The Fears We Don't Talk About

I still get nervous when I publish industry content. And I publish a lot of content. I spent some thinking about why, and I came up with this list –

I’m afraid to reveal my work

I’m less scared when I publish Theoretical stuff (see The Flavors of Thought Leadership), because I can be persuasive when I need to be, and I can wax on and on about theory, without having to reveal what I’m actually working on, so there’s some mystery to it.

But when you publish something Experiential or Investigatory, the mask comes off and people can see what you actually do, and I worry it will expose me as…an industry lightweight? I work on neat stuff, but I don’t presume I’m the most advanced guy in the room. But through The Magic of Thought Leaderhsip™, maybe I look like I am?

I’m afraid I’ll be wrong

I scrutinize everything to make sure the “threat surface” of things I could be wrong about is as small as possible. I do not love the idea of being called out publicly – I have recurring nightmares about the whole world piling on to some dumb mistake. I spend a lot of time watering down a lot of the stuff I write, using lots of vague qualifiers to make sure I don’t take a strong stand on anything.

I’m afraid I have no standing to speak for the industry

I worry that my view of the industry is myopic, and there’s so much I don’t know. Given that, who am I to make a statement for the industry? Who am I to stick my hand up and claim to have something valid to say? This is some obvious manifestation of imposter syndrome.

I’m afraid that my content will be perceived as an official position or opinion of my organization

I worry someone will read whatever I say and think “Wow, this must be what [Deane’s employer] believes…” I don’t want to contradict my organization, or be confronted with wildly contradictory positions held by my organization. And I certainly don’t want people to fume that I’m making the organization look bad with what I’m saying online.

I’m afraid that my bias is too strong

I prefer certain architectures and perspectives. Mostly for good reason, I think (hope), but I worry that perhaps I have huge blind spots that cause me to miss, ignore, or discount important new developments. As I get older, I’m worried about becoming The Crabby Old Man of my industry.

…

Unquestionably, these things limit our willingness and ability to create, publish, and promote content. I don’t claim to be a therapist, but a lot of overcoming this just comes down to humility, and an understanding that you don’t need to change the world. You just need to incrementally make it better.

This is probably worse today, because we compare ourselves to everyone. Back in 1940s, if you were the smartest guy at your university, then that was really great because you had so little exposure to people outside that domain. But today, digital communication and information storage means we “compete” against everyone around the world, and anything we do can be compared to everything that has ever been done.

That’s a tough bar. I wish there was a magic bullet, but there’s not. My solution has been to just breathe deep and know that I’m telling my story at some level. No one can dispute my own lived experience. They might think it’s not worthy of accolade, but there’s nothing I can do about that.